so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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