I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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