I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
