I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
