He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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