You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
