I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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