i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
