Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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