So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Send help, water and tortillas.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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