forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
