In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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