Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
