Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
