winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
