He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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