So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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