Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
