Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Randomize
