About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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