Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
