My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
