its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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