put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
