i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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