I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
