just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
