are you still at the devil's house?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
