I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
All I want is dick and wine.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
