Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So vagazzling was a success
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
