so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
then he tried to convert me to islam
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
