I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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