Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize