hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
