Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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