i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
