my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
