I just saw a hot homeless man
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
