Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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