Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
