dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
