My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
