i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
