He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
