doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
