PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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