My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
