A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
We were destined to go to rehab together
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
