I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
