hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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