The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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