Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
