I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
