So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize