I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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