God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
