there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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