The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
