Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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