if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
