I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
