Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
The beer is more important than you right now.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
