im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
