dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
