If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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