I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
