Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
